There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
