i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
