i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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