He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize