I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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