At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize