The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
