Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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