I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
