Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
