haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
