Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
