she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
