i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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