so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
