ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
