You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
