i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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