i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
