Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
