i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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