so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
