I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, beer. Big fan.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
