Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
