I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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