Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
