His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
