I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
