He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
