In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
