It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
