Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
