Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
