I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
