I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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