So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
