Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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