she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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