is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
