I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
