I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she peed on how many people?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
