I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
