Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
