If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
