His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
as a side note pls kill me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
