hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
