Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
