so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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