At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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