What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
