and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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