I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
