Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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