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You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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