I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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