Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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