i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
