i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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