I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
