I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
