His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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