You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize