made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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