i would punch a child for taco bell
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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