he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
