Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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