i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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